Spirit-catcher

So I got my dream job, and in my home city, and straight out of university. It turns out the graduate programme I got into is actually ranked number one in the country – I actually had no idea, I just went for this one as my first choice because it is in my home city and is one of only two places in the country that offer the specialty I’ve wanted to get into for the longest time. I’ve been there for a few months now, and I love it. Don’t get me wrong, it is HARD, some days more than others. But working with children with cancer feels like the life work I have been steered towards from a young age. And I am going to get there, step by step. Because it’s all about the little steps in paediatric oncology – it’s such a complicated specialty, and to get into it straight out of university without having had a placement there in person previously is almost unheard of. I only know of one other who did this. 

First day being introduced: “Eep, she’s so little and cute!”. I was so confused, as I am no longer underweight and am not really THAT short (am I?). “How old are you?” “23.” Awww, cute! You’re just a baby!”. Well okay then.

I’ve sort of taken to seeing my first year here as a first year at Hogwarts. I feel like a cross between Neville Longbottom and Harry Potter – Neville because there’s so much I don’t know and I feel so clumsy trying to navigate this professional world with undeveloped skills, and Harry because I’m returning to a world I was once part of a long time ago but now hardly remember and am somewhat of a stranger to again. I feel really clumsy and blind with a lot of my knowledge and practice, but the other day a consultant I was working with said that he saw me as the most promising one and with the largest potential he’d seen in a longtime. Time will tell, but I am determined to keep going and prove wrong anyone who doubts me.

Lots of things are shocking in pediatric oncology, but sometimes it is what staff say to cope that catch me off guard the most. I hadn't heard that side of things in this world until now. I was talking about how cute a patient had been to me at the end of the day, getting me to come over so he could pet me cheeks and give me a goodbye kiss on my forehead. “Yeah… He’s probably going to die.” My fellow programme new entrant and I looked at each other with wide eyes. “The nice kids always die.” Oh. A senior nurse behind her looked at me and mimed ripping a central line out. “Yeah, that’s when we knew you were going to live” she said really quietly. I had to excuse myself and go have one of those weird over-emotionally laughing moments in the drug room while trying not to cry.

There's also a student here with us who says things like "I can't talk on the phone, everyone's listening and I'll sound funny" and "It's all so hard, all the things we are expected to do, how am I going to get through it all?". And while I talk it through with her ways to get through all the hard things and just keep going despite what others must be thinking, inside I'm just thinking "Yeah, just try me, you don't know half the stuff I've overcome to get here and all the things I can now do that people said I wouldn't be able to no matter how much I tried". 

But I think the strongest thing I have heard said here is a parent saying “I’m not worried about having to stay here for at least another 12 months. We’re just happy they think she will still be here [alive] time next year.”

My boyfriend and I have been talking about when we are going to officially move in together next year. We have lived together before, but I have always had my own room to go back to, so it didn’t seem official. As with all post-natural-disaster cities, both renting and owning housing is expensive here. But every now and then we joke and dream about our ideal place to live. The bunnies could be free range inside but with room to roam outside on their harness long leads. And there could be a small room for my “functional study/work mess” that for now is located on my room floor so I am reminded of it and have to deal with it when I get up each day. And I would be able to set up my fish tank again. It turns out it is ideal in volume and shape for a dwarf puffer (solitary as they are) and some apple snails. Little dreams like this seem so domestic, but they do feel bliss and remind me that the future is bright and promising in lots of ways despite other things happening. 

It was so long ago that I took the Pottermore sorting quiz, and I was curious as to how Ravenclaw I really am. So I took the full quiz complete with the proportions of the other Houses I fit. 

 

Sweetness, I have more Gryffindor than I thought I would!

I am very happy with my House order: Ravenclaw, then Gryffindor, then Hufflepuff, then Slytherin. 

So far everyone else in my family is Ravenclaw except for my dad, who is Gryffindor. My Slytherin boyfriend is a little disappointed but apparently not surprised at how little Slytherin there is in me!

Here is a version of the full Hogwarts House Sorting quiz that you can take without being on Pottermore, and which lets you know the percentages you fit into for the other Houses: www.gotoquiz.com/pottermore_so…

Update: Had first day of orientation for my new job, which is also in a postgrad programme. I think the best part is that there is a more equal number of girls and boys this time, which is super great because the presence of more guys means a) the whole thing is way more chilled than would otherwise have been with the usual 90% girls, b) there appears to be no cattiness so far, and c) fist bumps with or without accompanying "Boo yeah!" is a socially acceptable greeting.

 
Addit: It's that time of year again for flowers in road cones, flower releases down rivers, and remembering that day no matter where you are now. If this video doesn't take you back to that day, I don't know what will. (WARNING: May tigger) www.stuff.co.nz/lightbox/natio…

Lately I've been worried that I don't talk to people here on dA enough, or leave comments to let them know I have been following their art and journal entries. Because I do view the art and read the journals of my friends, followers, and other people I follow. But I just don't know what to say. I want to sound appreciative and intelligent and NOT cliched. And I also have this thing where I feel the need to wait for someone else to start talking to me before I talk to them. I guess I don't want to annoy them, so I've always been the kind of person to wait until they say something before I say something. I don't like to intrude or put my presence somewhere unless I think or feel that it's okay to.
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So I think I will try to leave more messages on the pages and work of other people on dA - let you know that I DO care about you, your work, and what is happening in your life.
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Edit: Also, if you couldn't tell, I discovered the new emoticons setting partway through making this journal entry. Hence why non-relevant but still highly awesome amazing animated pokemon, Monty Python, and whatnot gifs appear.

Addit edit: Dad found the remaining Rama book we were looking for! The Rama series is written by Arthur C. Clarke. We had all the books except the very first one, and now we have the lot! I LOVE these books - Harry Potter aside (because hey, they are my childhood and the love of at least one generation ^_^ ), to me these are the best books ever. I cannot say how amazing they are, they are super good reads! Each book can be read alone, though the first 4 are best read in the right order to gain the most. Here's the series here: www.goodreads.com/series/49121…

  

Well, as the country that is the first in the world to see each new dawn, and therefore the first to see the new year, let me just tell you that so far 2015 seems to be... Well, pretty much feels the same as last year.

I have just changed my calendars over - I have a new Frozen one, and I'm keeping the child cancer one to look back on and see how much happened this year. The usual Scottish one in our kitchen has also been replaced by the new Scottish one sent over from there by friends and family.

Well, this year has been fantastic. Challenging, yes, but amazing. And what better way to finish it off than watching the Monty Python special show on TV with my family.

This is the end result of my jar of good things from 2014!  
I totally recommend grabbing a jar and throughout the year writing down every good thing that happens, even just little things that make you smile. I will open it tomorrow and look back on what an awesome year I have had with everyone!


Our local earthquake community page just posted "Welcome to 2015 Canterbury...may it be our best year yet! It's the year of the sheep...gentle and calm. We like the sound of that x". So far no quakes, just a few fireworks going off in the distance. My bunnies are happy and pretty much chilled out all the time now - my parents both reported that they just looked on with utter boredom as the lawns were mown around their outdoor hutch the other day. I guess living in my room and putting up with fortnightly vacuuming from me paid off on the courage front for them.

Finally, I'm not one for resolutions. I did manage to change my calendar over on time every month, though! This used to be a huge struggle for me when I struggled with OCD. However, I think the world would be a much better place if people vowed to be kinder to all and not hurt anyone (people or animals) instead of pledging to join a gym, go overseas, or lose weight.