Abrasive

She's gone,
and I feel I've become
so hard and bitter,
abrasive.

It's been coming
all year.
I saw it coming
and I changed anyway.
I don't know
if it changed me
or I changed myself
to hit it head-on.

I'm not gentle and kind
when I'm grieving.
I have a long way to go
before I grow up.

It just hurts so,
and it makes me
like this,
like someone
I don't want to be.

I don't mean
to hurt others
around me,
but I think I have.

I don't think I want
to talk about it
with you.
I need to go home
and start over,
learn to be
a better person again,
heal myself.

Forgive me,
I need you,
my friends.
I didn't mean
to get like this.